literature

LOTR Interview 1

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LOTR Interview
Me: Hello and welcome! Today I'm here with some very special guests: the LOTR Fellowship! They have agreed to answer some questions for you today--
Frodo: You told me there was something to eat!
Legolas: She told me it was a beauty pageant!
Aragorn: That's not as bad as what she told me! She said she had the shards of Elendil!
Me: OK, I lied. But I have all the exits secured by Uruk-hai with tasers. Now sit down and answer some questions.
(The Fellowship sit relunctantly on some nearby couches)
Me: Goooood. (whips out notebook and recorder)
Question 1: Have any of you ever considered dumping Frodo?
Boromir: (standing up quickly) Why would we? He's the Ringbearer! How could we--
Me: I think you better sit down, Boris.
Aragorn: Well, he did get annoyingly weepy at times--
Me: Aha! A confession!
Aragorn: ...but I'd say he's gone through some major changes in his life.
Gimli: And I won't insult the man or hobbit who isn't afraid to show their emotions.
Legolas: Like you did when we wouldn't buy you that pony plushie--
Me: OK, question number 2! What *really* happened at the Council of Elrond?
Legolas: Frodo agreed to take the Ring...what else is there?
Me: (disappointed) And I thought MTV had some truth after all.
Frodo: (suddenly) I seem to recall Aragorn threatening to cut off my donut supply if I refused...
Aragorn: Lies! All lies! I never did that!
Frodo: Yeah, and you and Elrond got drunk and tied me up, and I think I remember you telling me to take it so you could impress Elrond...
Aragorn: AAAALL LIEEEEEES...!!
Me: (hiding a snicker) OK, then guys...Sam, what do you think of Orcs?
Sam: They're no good, rotten stinkers....
Me: What if I told you stereotypes are bad? (clicks a remote to start a slideshow of images, all showing Orcs. Tragic music plays.)
Me: A young Orc, shunned by all. He is discriminated against wherever he goes. He fights his way through college to support his mother,
and when finished, can't find any job that will take him! His mother sickens and dies, and overtaken by emotional turmoil and grief,
succumbs to the violent will of Saruman...
Gimli: (sobs)
Legolas: (dabbing eyes with monogrammed handkerchief) I had no idea...
Sam: I still say those Orcs at Cirith Ungol were pretty nasty.
Aragorn: It was..depression!
Frodo: Oh, Sam, I do find it in my heart to forgive them!
Sam: (kicks Frodo) You forgive everyone, you pushover.
Me: Um, how do you feel about the LOTR films?
ALL: Pretty good.
Boromir: Except the director cheated.
Me: Why is that so?
Boromir: Because Peter Jackson knows no noe can resist the allure of big blue eyes!
Frodo: (blinking) No one will ever leave me alone about that, huh? I can't help how I look. (blinks again slowly)
Boromir: It doesn't help when you do that. And everyone knows you hypnotized the director into giving you the part.
We all know the only reason to watch the films is to stare right into mesmerizing beauty!!
Aragorn: (warningly) Sit down before you say too much.
(Boromir sits and blushes. Frodo giggles.)
Frodo: (suddenly) WAAAAA!!!!
Me: What??!
Frodo: Sam kicked my leg....AGAIN!!WAAAAAA!!!!!!!
Sam: I did not!
Frodo: (fakes internal bleeding) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Me: Uh, that's all for today! I'll see you next time, and remember, you heard it from LOTR Fangirl Network!
Send in any questions you may have for the gang, and we'll see if we can answer them...SOMEONE SHUT FRODO UP PLEASE!
I meant to submit this a long time ago. But it slipped my mind entirely.♥
I hope you think it's funny, and remember to ask any questions you may have for the LOTR gang! I'll answer as many as possible.
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Archsteel's avatar
Well... O.o.... Stereotypes are bad. *Suddenly several uruk hai with tazers appear and taze me* Ow.... Well I still don't like orcs.